French Box was a box I was pretty stoked to try out. So stoked I went ahead and got a year long subscription. I figured it would go along with my love of French Hens and my Poultry Pal Camilla.
Let me take you on a smelly foul river cruise along the Seine where along every corner mimes are helplessly trapped in invisible boxes and can’t hear you scream…
So far so good. Even Camilla is happy with the quality of the wrapping!
When we opened the box there was an old dank smell. I’m not even kidding. Perhaps this traveled all the way from Paris on a train? No?
A recipe was included but there is not one item in the box that had anything to do with it. It was also the image for one of their “hints” making you dream some treat was in store. Honestly if I was the type of chick to make this, I wouldn’t be the type of chick to need the recipe from a subscription box.
Value -$10 (for playing with my emotions and making think I was going to get some num nums but instead giving me a damn homework assignment)
The card says these are “Perles De Bain” or in English “Mystery Bath Product That I Wouldn’t Trust To Wash A Messy Racoon.”
They retail price this at $8. Real Value: $1 (this may make a good hate gift for my sister-in-law)
Alexis Cosmetic Serum Excel Booster C+. No info can be found on this product. No ingredients. Only thing we know for sure? It’s made in China. MADE IN CHINA
The card values this at $25. Real Value: $0 (I’m not putting this crap on my already unhappy frowning face)
I want to meet the person over at French Box who had a big enough baguette to send this tattered old lipstick to me. I honestly want to gauge the rind on their Brie because it must be HUGE. I am actually insulted I received this. I’m actually angry. The last review of this product is in 2013 and it details the very short shelf life this poor war battered lipstick has.
They value this at $8.95. Real Value: -$3 (As I slowly shake my head and curse under my breath)
At this point I no longer wonder about the moldy smell. It’s about here that I lose all hope and start to accept my fate. I yearn for a glass of red wine to calm my nerves and soften my disappointment. These nail stickers aren’t the worse thing in the world and sort of have that French nautical style.
They value this at $4.95. Real Value: $4.95 ( I will agree depending on what print you get as they vary)
Just because you write “Paris” on something doesn’t make it French. This “Lime A Ongle” is what it is.
They value this at $3. Real Value: $1 (Discount bin splurge)
French Box literally wrapped up a dump that the Dollar Store took, charged me $24, and sent it to me in a nice box. Not even a tub of French wine will take the bad taste out of my mouth.